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#22. The Saddest Month of the Year

Congratulations, we have officially survived the saddest month of the year! I have always hated January and this year I approached it cautiously with a just a little pinch of dread. I thought that this year would be the most challenging January of all; firstly, because I was forced to live through the entire wintery month in the UK instead of jet-setting off to sunny Australia like I usually do, and secondly because um… #lockdown03.

Yet I must say, I was pleasantly surprised with how well I fared. And this got me thinking about the importance of experiencing things head-on and facing the truth. So often we run from unpleasant experiences (like sorting out the loft) and most of all we run from ourselves; from our own terrifying thoughts. It’s scary being confronted with yourself when you can’t hide behind long lunches with friends, a treadmill at the gym or planning your next holiday. Whether the lockdown experience has been busy for you or not, it’s forced many of us to stand out in the open and really be seen; obviously not by others (ah, remember parties?) but by ourselves, warts and all. 

As challenging as January can be, I actually think it’s February we need to be careful of. February lures us in with the promise of Spring but let’s be honest, it isn’t until the clocks change in March that we really feel like the season has changed. As I sit here writing this I am looking out as snow flurries into the back garden, coating the decking in a smooth blanket of white. It really is stunning and reminds me that winter can indeed be beautiful, (as long as you’re wearing warm enough clothing!)

Enjoying a snowy walk along the canal

It has been a nice change being able to enjoy the snow without the stress of having to drive in it, or catch a train in it or navigate it in any other way. I can sit here and appreciate the icy beauty outside the window without being worried that my school will be closed tomorrow or that the tubes will be delayed or events cancelled. It’s so refreshing to simply be able to appreciate this world of white that so rarely graces us in the South of England. 

My birthday was on 1st February and every year I moan about the date. This is because my birthday is often spent feeling severely jet-lagged and depressed following our return flight from Australia, the weather is always dark and gloomy and we often are low on funds having ‘lived it up’ while being away. Christmas is a distant memory and our wedding anniversary is mid-January so by the time my birthday rolls around we’re too tired to celebrate. This year I had the added woe of it being in the middle of lockdown so plans were incredibly limited. Everyone deserves to feel special for one day of the year and how can that happen when we can’t see family and friends, everything is closed and the idea of ‘fun’ is going for a walk to the coffee shop? 

Well, let me tell you I was pleasantly surprised. From the moment I woke up, I was incredibly spoilt with thoughtful gifts, deliveries of vegan macarons, cookies and flowers and homemade pancakes for breakfast! My husband made a two-tiered chocolate cake and we did go for that afternoon walk to the coffee shop (which was fab!) I was treated to a hot bath and massage and we ordered takeaway from the local Turkish restaurant. I was inundated with birthday messages and my friends surprised me with a zoom party in the evening. It was probably one of the best birthdays I have ever had. Of course, it did help that I wasn’t jet-lagged or suffering from the post-holiday blues.

Again, it showed me that there is so much pleasure to be found in simple things. Do I miss parties? Of course, I do. Do I miss travel? You bet! Do I miss going to London to see a show? Yep. But perhaps when we have fewer distractions, fewer places to be or things to plan we make more of an effort with what is around us. We make more of an effort with the people we love. Not every day is easy; in fact, most of us are just doing our best to ‘cope’ and get through each day and that is ok. We’re allowed to feel challenged and frustrated and lonely at times. But how wonderful that through the midst of a pandemic when we cannot see or touch each other, we can still find ways to be seen and be touched; through texts, video calls, gifts, food, friendship and love. 

Because no matter what this pandemic has taken or will take from us, we still have friendship and love. We can still make one another feel special even if it is just for one day. And we can decide to face ourselves openly and honestly; the good, the bad and the ugly. If we fall apart we simply take a breath and re-build ourselves again. 

So congratulations on making it this far! You are stronger than you think. So, what are you waiting for? It’s time to grit your teeth, climb that ladder and sort out the loft.


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